conversations
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Repost: Before you answer, ask if they care
It’s nice when people ask questions; whether they are atheists or mature Christians. We all like the feeling of being asked, or the opportunity to “give an answer for the hope we have”. But, before you answer, just ponder whether… Continue reading
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Four Leadership Styles
When it comes to leading people, it’s helpful to think about two aspects of every leadership conversation… First, there’s the (horizontal) aspect; who makes the decision at the end of this conversation? Is the final decision way over on your… Continue reading
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What should you do when someone starts “venting” to you?
If you’re in that situation when someone talking to you starts to “vent” about someone else… it usually starts small about how hard things are at the moment… but in order to explain how they’re feeling, they feel the need… Continue reading
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Is there such a thing as “Godly Venting”?
No. Venting is that thing people (like me) do when something bad or annoying has happened. It usually involves someone else and how they made your life much harder and now all these things are going wrong (read “not like… Continue reading
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If you doubt they’ll like the rebuke, that might be a better conversation to start with
Paul sets a pattern of pastoral ministry for Timothy that includes “teach, correct, rebuke and encourage” from the word of God. So there will be times when we are to lovingly and encouragingly rebuke people’s actions and decisions. Sometimes, we… Continue reading
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Long & wordy offers unwittingly communicate immense workload
If you’re going to ask someone to take on a responsibility, make it short. Not the responsibility… but the “ask”. If you make the “ask” long and wordy, it will communicate that this task you’re offering them is so huge,… Continue reading
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The simple (yet deeply spiritual) stumbling block to evangelism
People cite all sorts of reasons why our culture is resistant to the gospel, individualism, consumerism, sexual-ethics, so on. But for the day-to-day Christian hoping to talk to their friend, these are rarely the stumbling block. Rather, the reality is that… Continue reading
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Welcome people well by telling them…
Welcome people well by telling them what their next step “in” would look like. You know your church. Your regulars know your church. But the new person doesn’t. So, you can’t just assume they’re going to find their way in… Continue reading
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Be careful giving feedback to people who don’t report to you
At one level, I think we all need to get better at giving specific, regular, behaviour based, feedback. But, we need to be careful that on doing so, we don’t undermine our peers, by encouraging their people to do things… Continue reading
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Why you need to squeeze the pus in difficult conversations
When it’s clear someone has a concern, the longer it takes to get the concern out of them, the more likely there is that there’s other concerns still sitting behind that one. Once you’ve started digging, and they’re opening up… Continue reading
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A great 3rd party in difficult discussions… a pen a paper
When you need to have a difficult conversation, one of the keys is to de-personalise it. You want to avoid them feeling attacked by you. You want to avoid it turning into a “relational issue” (simply because this is an… Continue reading
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Beware the person who won’t let it go
As pastors, we have (I hope) a natural bent towards helping people. When people come with issues in their Christian life (sin, spiritual questions, etc) we want to help them through it. But that’s the key… through it, as in out of… Continue reading
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Meeting a newbie? Assume two opposing things
They arrive, join in, seem to settle in well. They smile when you talk to them, they nod when you say Christian stuff. They talk about their last church in favourable terms. There’s two opposing things you need to assume:… Continue reading
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“I haven’t started giving because…”
It’s worth being aware of the many reasons we Christians (myself included) come up with to justify being all “I love JESUS!” with our mouths, but all “I can’t give money”. You’ve probably heard the line, “the last part of… Continue reading
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The wonderful idea of using an “umbrella of mercy” when talking
I can’t remember where we got this idea but it’s brilliant… our staff team has this phrase “umbrella of mercy”. It’s what we say before we say something that could be taken the wrong way, or something that might be… Continue reading
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Amaze people with “no reason”
If you’re in Christian leadership, its your job, your responsibility, to keep asking and encouraging people to give their time and effort to ministry. So much so, that it can feel like every interaction and phone call is a request.… Continue reading
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A better way to ask, “What did you think of the sermon?”
It’s really not a great question, is it? It’s intention is wonderful… but it’s execution is poor. How about… “Hey, that talk we just heard, help me think through it for a second… I think he was saying…” “I reckon… Continue reading
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Beware! Poisonous attention is addictive
We all love getting a bit of attention, some people love a lot of attention. But sometimes, people give poisonous attention. Poisonous attention is when someone pays attention to you, but always seems to end up asking/digging into your discontentment.… Continue reading
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When does talking about your feelings become emotional manipulation?
There’s a fine line, it seems, between talking about your feelings and emotional manipulation. See, if I tell you that something you’re about to do is making me feel sad, unworthy, hurt… is it just a simple observation of the… Continue reading
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The difference between a passive helper, an aggressive helper, and a passive-aggressive helper
A passive helper will wait for you to ask them to help, and then they’ll do their best. An aggressive helper will suggest themselves for certain roles (or just do them and tell you later on) A passive-aggressive helper will… Continue reading
MINISTRY PRINCIPLES & PRAGMATICS 