passive-aggressive

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Repost: When a question turns into a ransom note

A ransom note isn’t a question. It might use words like “please” or “I was wondering if…”, but in the end it means, “if you don’t do this, I’m going to hold it against you / hold it over your head”.

When people ask you one of these questions; questions that sound like questions but seem to carry a ransom note tone to them… its worth just asking if you’ve heard them right. “Is this a question that you’re happy for me to decide either way?”, “Are you going to be completely ok with whatever I choose?”, “Are you asking me what I think, are are you really just trying to tell me what you think?”

Chances are they don’t realise they’re giving you a ransom note. That’s ok… But don’t simply answer every question assuming its a real question.

Joke around, but don’t veil complaints in humour

One of our Staff Team Values is that we love joking around. We love laughing, jokes, sarcasm and generally hanging out together. That hasn’t happened by chance… it’s something we’ve worked hard to protect.

But there’s a type of joking we don’t tolerate. Its the type of joking where you use humour to veil a serious frustration or complaint about someone else. It’s the type of humour where the butt of the joke is left feeling unsure whether people think something terrible about them. Using humour to thinly veil your issues or frustrations towards someone is cowardice.

The flip side of this deeply entrenched value is that when someone does make a joke about you, you can be sure they are never trying to hurt you… they’re really trying to love you.

The difference between a passive helper, an aggressive helper, and a passive-aggressive helper

A passive helper will wait for you to ask them to help, and then they’ll do their best.
An aggressive helper will suggest themselves for certain roles (or just do them and tell you later on)
A passive-aggressive helper will either a) tell you they can help, but only if it’s on their thing and in their way, or b) wait for you to ask them to help and then say, “I knew you were going to ask me to do that.”

Love your passive helpers by being bold enough to ask them. Love your aggressive helpers by telling them the vision and principles clearly and letting them make mistakes. Love your passive-aggressive helpers by… Asking them what they think they should do for the kingdom, and why they haven’t done it.