Disagreement does not mean devaluing

It’s really important that we separate disagreeing from devaluing.  Being disagreed with does not mean that we’re being devalued. 
Just because my boss doesn’t agree with me, that doesn’t mean he devalues me. Just because a husband decides against his wife’s advice that doesn’t mean he devalues her. In fact, the Father doesn’t even devalue the divine Son when, after the Son says “take this cup from me”, the father implicitly says “no”. 
The issue is that disagreement is something we can see, but devaluing is something we can’t see because it happens inside people’s hearts. We can’t see whether other people are devaluing us or not. Therefore, we should never accuse someone of devaluing us, because there’s no way of proving it. You can ask them, but that’s all you can do. 
If they say, “No way!! I totally value you. I just don’t agree with you on this point” then you have to take their word for it. That also means we should attempt to stop feeling devalued because that feeling isn’t based on anything real, we’ve just been disagreed with.

3 thoughts on “Disagreement does not mean devaluing

  1. Narelle says:

    Hi David, I am going to respectfully disagree. The signs are there loud and clear when someone does not value you. My partner has been devalued his whole life by his parents who proclaim they love and care for him. The damage done and the pain caused is terrible and raw. The devaluing conveys through attitude- the eye roll, not asking ‘how are you’, not providing eye contact, speaking in a flat tone when addressing someone: as if it is a pain in the neck, telling someone to get over their feelings or invalidating their feelings in other ways. All these things say ‘I do not value you’.

  2. The Spirit has been dealing with me in regarding to “taking offense” this article speakes pointedly to the issue. The condition of a persons heart and their motives are at the center of this debate. A person’s “intent” and a person’s “perception” are two very different things. This is why the scriptures speak to “taking offense.” We are all human and sometimes the devaluing is intentional and other times its our perception. We just have to be careful where our emotions carry us because they are fickle things which can cause a response outside of God’s will.

    James 1:19
    [ Listening and Doing ] My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

    Ecclesiastes 10:4
    If a ruler’s anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great offenses to rest.

    Proverbs 19:11
    A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

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