relationships
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Repost: Try not to confuse your relationship ‘hats’
Some people you know on only one level; the local barista, a taxi driver, the policeman pulling you over for speeding. Its a pretty simple relationship, because you’re the driver and he’s the cop. But what if the cop who… Continue reading
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Don’t do things for the right reason… Instead, do them for the right…
Christians have an appropriate concern about their motives. We want to do things for the right motivations, and we want our church families to do things for the right motivations. That’s a good thing. However, we can get caught up… Continue reading
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Reblog – Evangelism is not making friends with non-Christians
Making friends with non-Christians is making friends. It’s not evangelism until you evangelise them. And just so we’re all clear… Being friends with non-Christians is not evangelism either. I’m all for building friendships! And its a great way to open… Continue reading
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Reblog – Only rebuke when…
Only rebuke when there’s not a conflict of interest; don’t do it because they’ve hurt your friend’s feelings, or to make someone else happy, don’t do it because it will give you an advantage. Only rebuke when you’ve distanced yourself… Continue reading
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Ignore anonymous feedback
Feedback is good. Even when its critical, hard to hear, ill-informed, or just wrong. But feedback is bad when its anonymous because feedback – no matter how critical it may be – is relational. Its my opinion about you, but… Continue reading
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Phone calls, SMSs, email, Social media and Pastoral Ministry
Since we pastor people, and people are not in a vacuum but are part of a culture, the cultural norms and tools affect what pastoral ministry look like from generation to generation. Our culture uses SMSs, phone-calls, emails and social… Continue reading
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Three types of human power at work in your church
Power is an odd word, but in this case I simply mean the ability to make things happen within an organisation/church. 1. Role Power This is the power someone has because of their title or position. They are the “pastor”,… Continue reading
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A great 3rd party in difficult discussions… a pen a paper
When you need to have a difficult conversation, one of the keys is to de-personalise it. You want to avoid them feeling attacked by you. You want to avoid it turning into a “relational issue” (simply because this is an… Continue reading
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The wonderful idea of using an “umbrella of mercy” when talking
I can’t remember where we got this idea but it’s brilliant… our staff team has this phrase “umbrella of mercy”. It’s what we say before we say something that could be taken the wrong way, or something that might be… Continue reading
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When does talking about your feelings become emotional manipulation?
There’s a fine line, it seems, between talking about your feelings and emotional manipulation. See, if I tell you that something you’re about to do is making me feel sad, unworthy, hurt… is it just a simple observation of the… Continue reading
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If someone won’t see you as their leader, there’s not much you can do.
There’s always going to be some people in your church who will never really see you as their leader/elder/pastor. They’ll come along, they’ll attend, they’ll agree with this and disagree with that. They might find you arrogant (ironic!), they might… Continue reading
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If you want people to lay their cards on the table…
…you have to show some of yours. That’s just how relationships and trust work. There’s no use going into a conversation where it might be tricky and expecting the other person to tell you everything about themselves, where they’re at with… Continue reading
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The difference between a poisonous person and a venomous person
You know the difference between poison and venom… if you bite it and you die – it’s poison, if it bites you and you die – it’s venomous. The same can be true of certain people. Some people can be… Continue reading
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You haven’t communicated enough, yet #horstmans-laws.2
(This is a series of reflections on Horstman’s Laws) You could communicate more. Even if you feel you’ve already told them, even if you think they ought to know by now. It’s always, always, always better to risk over communication… Continue reading
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The best use of your time is to invest in another person #horstmans-laws.1
(This is a series of reflections on Horstman’s Laws) People are amazing. People, by the providence of God; decide, act, influence, dream, feel, speak, pray. And then, by the grace of God, Christians are used by him to usher people… Continue reading
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Why you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to speak on other people’s behalf
If you know what someone thinks, lucky you. But don’t take it upon yourself to speak on their behalf. Speaking on someone’s behalf is a sacred role. You need to get specific permission to speak for someone. And if you… Continue reading
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Practice predicting other people’s responses
Some people do this more naturally than others, but it’s a great skill to develop. Especially in pastoral ministry. The fact is, when you speak to people (anyone) those people are going react to things you say. That is, they… Continue reading
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Creative ways to build relationships in 1:1 ministry
If you’ve ever had to do 121s with people you don’t know very well, it can be daunting to sit down and just read the bible. It might feel a bit odd or awkward if your don’t feel you know… Continue reading
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Why Relational Proximity defines Due Process
The closer relational proximity you have to someone, the more important it is to define a clear process in disputes. Ambiguous processes in the midst of relational disputes only make matters worse, as either party will have their own ideas… Continue reading
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Acknowledge your mistakes for two reasons
First, because it’s right. If you make a mistake, if you’ve had to change plans late in the game, if you hurt someone, if you say the wrong thing, swallow your pride and be honest about what you did. Its… Continue reading
MINISTRY PRINCIPLES & PRAGMATICS 